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I stopped him. If he did that, I’d miss the end of the movie. Rubbing me through the cloth might be too distracting, but he pulled his hand back. I let him unbutton my blouse so he could touch my breast through my bra. I’d worn my special bra, and my nipples responded to his fingers.While we were walking to the car, he said, “It’s early. Want to go up to Lookout Point.”I’d been thinking of exactly that. “Sure.”I suppose I’d known this might happen. I’d put four condoms in my purse. We used them all. Being with Steve wasn’t better than with Bill, but it was different. It was the same moves, but sometimes he went a little faster than Bill, sometimes he pressed me softer, and sometimes it just felt different. When he walked me to my front door, he asked me out the next Saturday. I said, yes.I didn’t see Bill until lunch on Monday. We were with a group and didn’t have any time alone, but as soon as I got in the car after school, he sat still and looked at me.“What?” I asked; even though. I felt whatever power the beast possessed ripple through my thoughts. More than a physical sensation, I tasted metal and could smell something like burnt toast. A second or two later a chasm opened in my guts and I experienced the same dreadful ache I’d known when I lost my parents, the terror I’d felt at fourteen, bereaved and all alone. Then, it stepped back a pace and melted into shadow. The next I knew it had gone and I’d managed to stagger into the temporary comfort of the street. Then I became aware, like waking from a bad dream, that I was crying, sobbing really, and that I’d wet myself. The residue of that event, like a sigh from the sewers, stayed with me. I can smell the stink of it now. Of course insomnia and paranoia followed in its wake. I tried to convince myself that I’d seen a fox, a cat, anything other than that awful fucking thing … Every time I closed my eyes and tried to sleep I’d see it again, I’d see that grinning, evil countenance, and feel the sadness that its.
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